


so tell me when you're gonna let me in

by EternallyEC



Series: somewhere only we know [1]
Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Friends with Feelings, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Tagged For Spoilers, Pre-Relationship, Shades of Jori, Trigger Warning In Notes, but she feels really bad after the fact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23108611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC
Summary: Tori has to make a tough decision that just might lead to a path she never realized she wanted to tread.
Relationships: Tori Vega & Jade West, Tori Vega/Jade West
Series: somewhere only we know [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707166
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	so tell me when you're gonna let me in

**Author's Note:**

> Please see the end note for trigger warning: I debated whether or not to tag it, but I don't want to spoil the story. Putting the warning at the end seemed to be a safe compromise because I don't want to trigger anyone either. 
> 
> I write a lot with a friend, and we were discussing an idea with Jade and Beck dealing with this same kind of situation when I suddenly came up with this idea. It took me around two days and several hours of editing to get it post-worthy, but here it is! Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Title is from Somewhere Only We Know, particularly the cover by Max Schneider and Liz Gillies.

The text is short and to the point and after Tori’s total radio silence, she couldn’t possibly fault Jade for the terse nature of it. She stared down at her phone like doing so might magically change what she’s now read at least six times over.

But it was still there in black-and-white on her Pearphone: a date, a time, and underneath all of the bland details, a single word that threatened to shatter Tori’s resolve entirely.

“ _Please.”_

_Two Days Earlier_

The knock on the door was both unexpected and yet not; during the three years that Tori Vega has attended Hollywood Arts, she’d grown used to people showing up unannounced. She hardly even pays attention to her glasses anymore; once a point of contention that she only wore them at home where no one could see, she could hardly think of anyone who hasn’t seen them now.

She groaned mostly for show as she walked to the door and pulled it open, her brow furrowing when she finds Jade West on the other side. “Jade?” she questioned, seeing something in her blue-green eyes that makes her stomach twist anxiously.

“I need your help,” she announced abruptly, pushing past Tori and stalking into the living room. Spinning around to face Tori again, she pinned her with a look that does nothing for the singer’s nerves. The look was familiar and Tori knew she’d seen it on her face once before when Jade showed up after breaking up with Beck to beg for Tori’s help and she’s filled with a sense of foreboding.

“Sure, come in, Jade,” she quipped with a roll of her eyes, pushing the door closed and moving closer before planting her hands on her hips and regarding Jade warily. She wonders, not for the first time, what it is about Jade West that tugs at her so much that she can’t turn her away when she needs help, no matter how awful she’s been to her since their first meeting.

“What is it, Jade?” she finally relented and asked with a sigh when it became apparent that Jade wasn’t going to volunteer the information on her own. Getting information out of Jade has always been like pulling teeth; intricate and painful and Tori gets the feeling that this won’t be much different.

Jade practically collapsed onto the couch at her question, pulling a pillow into her lap and beginning to pick at the seam. “Look in my purse,” she ordered, holding the bag out to Tori without meeting her gaze.

“O...kay,” Tori raised an eyebrow, taking the purse from her and beginning to dig through it. “You could just tell me what this is all… about,” she said, her voice trailing off as her eyes landed on a bright pink box, the lettering too vivid to mistake for anything else.

Pulling it out, she can’t help but notice that it’s open and suddenly, her flippant attitude has disappeared. The sense of foreboding that’s filled her is mixed with dread and a certainty that she no longer wanted to be involved. But she’s in too deep to go back and with a deep breath, she pulled the flaps back to open the box. The test, thankfully wrapped in a baggie, slid out of the box and into her hand.

Tori Vega had never seen a pregnancy test before, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to make out the positive result even through the layers of plastic she had to smooth out to see through.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, staring at the display as though it would somehow change if she looks at it hard enough. “How long have you known?”

“As long as it took me to put it in that bag and drive over here,” Jade answered, her voice carefully controlled and revealing nothing. But when Tori glanced over, the way the other girl was anxiously picking at the pillow while her gaze slid around the room, looking at everything but Tori told her all she needed to know.

“You came straight over here?” Tori asks, fluttering between being touched that Jade had thought of her and annoyed that she was being dragged into this mess.

“Yeah.” Jade hesitated, finally lifting her gaze to meet Tori’s and wincing as her eyes skated over the test again on the way. “I didn’t know who else to go to about this,” she admitted, quietly enough that Tori had to strain to hear her.

Letting out a measured breath, Tori nods resolutely and dropped the test back into Jade’s purse. All that they’d need is for Trina to come down and see her holding it or, god forbid, her _parents,_ she thought as she studied the girl before her.

The question on the tip of her tongue was a difficult one and one she _absolutely_ did not want to ask. Hesitating, she finally just blurts it out. “Is it Beck’s?”

Jade scoffs, her glare suddenly back and directed full-force at Tori and, despite everything, Tori almost breathed a sigh of relief at the familiarity of it all. “No, Tori, it’s one of the many men I attract with my feminine wiles,” she deadpanned with a scathing look to match her tone.

“Ugh, Jade, I know, but I had to ask,” Tori groaned, rolling her eyes. “I take it you haven’t talked to him?”

“He’s been ignoring my calls since we broke up,” Jade said, her tone warning that she didn’t want to go down this path. “Anyway, he doesn’t need to know. I’m not having it.”

Tori’s eyes widen at her words despite herself. “Jade, you have to tell him.”

“I don’t have to do a damn thing, Vega,” Jade seethed, her glare intensifying. “My body, my choice. Period.”

“Jade… Of course it is, but Beck deserves to know, at least,” Tori protested weakly. “Maybe he could go with you if you’re sure this is what you want.”

“I know what I want and I know who I want to be with when this happens,” Jade answered shortly, her eyes locking with Tori’s, an uncharacteristic discomfort clear in her eyes. “Will you come?”

“Jade...” Tori hesitated, seeing the vulnerability written in Jade’s eyes and cursing herself for what she was about to say. “Jade, you’re my friend but Beck is too,” she said slowly, hating the way Jade’s eyes begin to shutter, closing herself off to her once again. “I couldn’t betray him like that. I’m really sorry, you have to know that.”

Jade scoffed and stood up, tossing the pillow back on the couch and folding her arms over her chest defensively. “I should have known better than to come here,” she said coldly, and the sinking feeling in Tori’s chest begged her to take it back but she kept her mouth tightly closed.

Moving towards the door, she forcibly jerked her purse away with Tori and the singer’s resolve nearly dissolved when she saw the tears in the other girl’s eyes before she jerked them away from her.

“I know that I’ve been a bitch to you since we met, Vega,” she sneered, but Tori can see right through her feeble attempts to put her walls back up. “But I never thought that you could turn your back on someone asking for your help.” She swallowed, pushing the strap over her shoulder and nearly running for the door, only to pause once she’d reached it.

Turning to glance at Tori once more over her shoulder, Jade swallowed. “Not even me,” she finished softly.

“Jade...”

But just like that, the door slammed behind the goth, cutting off whatever platitudes Tori might have offered and leaving Tori alone.

In the ensuing silence, all that Tori found herself thinking about was how she wasn’t the one who was truly alone and wondering if she’d made the right decision at all.

~ ~ ~

The next two days were hell. Tori couldn’t stop remembering Jade’s words, the emotion in her eyes and in her tone, and the way she had pleaded—in her own way—for Tori’s help. She also couldn’t stop thinking about the way she’d turned her down, the way she’d insisted that Jade go to Beck. It was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? She couldn’t seem to find an answer to the question, unable to help wondering if it _was_ the right thing, then why did she feel so awful about it?

She’d almost called Beck a few times, nearly texted him a dozen others. She couldn’t help it; despite her feelings about women having a right to govern their own body, she also firmly believed that Beck deserved to at least be told about the pregnancy. Her heart was a battleground as she warred with herself.

Ultimately, she realized the only truth that she thought could be considered absolute in the entire situation: Jade’s secret wasn’t hers to tell. Beck might be her friend but she considered Jade to be the same and she knew that she couldn’t betray one friend to help another. The thought of betraying Jade’s trust, given so reluctantly and to so few, made her feel hollow inside and so, Jade’s secret was kept.

When Tori’s phone off when she was eating dinner that night, she wasn’t surprised in the slightest to find a text from Jade.

_Have you changed your mind yet?_

Simple and to the point, the text immediately made Tori lose her appetite. Ignoring the text, she excused herself and flung herself on her bed, screaming into the comforter until she felt slightly better. Rolling over to study the ceiling, she groaned when her phone rang, Jade’s name popping up. Watching it ring until it went to voicemail, she felt the ball of guilt in the pit of her stomach grow as she couldn’t help but think of all the turmoil Jade was going through alone.

It wasn’t enough to make her reconsider her decision to come to her own decision entirely alone, and she didn’t hear anything else from Jade.

_Present_

But now, the eye of the storm was here and, despite having thought she had everything figured out, Tori realized that she has no idea what to do. It’s the ‘please’ that threatens to break her resolve, she thought as she stared at the seemingly innocuous word.

‘Please’ wasn’t a word that passed Jade’s lips, figurative or otherwise, often, and even less so when it comes to Tori. At any other time, she might have thought that Jade was attempting to manipulate her, a skill she’s eerily good at, but the simplicity of the message tells her otherwise.

Although a skilled actress, Jade’s never been able to fool Tori for very long. Her attempts to, while notable for their complexity, were often _too_ complex and some might say even overdone. Tori has always been able to see straight through the other girl’s act before long when she’d tried, but she doesn’t even have to think about it to know for a fact that this is different.

Her heart feels like it could rip apart again as she tries to go about her day and ignore the ticking of the clock. Each passing moment pulls her closer to the point of having to make a decision, to choose between Beck and Jade in a struggle she’d never asked to be a part of.

If it wasn’t for Beck, she’d go in a heartbeat, knowing what it had taken for Jade to ask for her help. Despite Beck, a large part of her still wants to go and support her friend. Even though she knows that it’s not a choice between Beck and Jade as people, it _feels_ like it with the tug-of-war happening in her chest. Going to Jade’s appointment with her feels like a betrayal of Beck, while _not_ going somehow feels even more wrong.

Tori knows that most of her dilemma comes from how hard she’s tried to be Jade’s friend. Sitting at the kitchen counter with a bowl of ice cream, she stares vacantly into the distance as she thinks about all the times that Jade has shown her a glimpse of softness beneath her mask. Sometimes, she thinks that they’re already friends, even if Jade won’t ever admit it.

But then her thoughts come full circle and she’s pushing her rapidly melting ice cream around in the bowl with a spoon as she wondered what kind of a hypocrite it makes her if, after all this time and effort trying to get Jade to open up to her, she ignored her when she’s finally cracked and shown herself to Tori.

“Are you gonna eat that?!” a perky voice demanded from behind her, and Tori shook her head and pushed the bowl over without a second thought.

Sitting down and immediately digging in, Trina pauses only briefly to glance over at her younger sister. “You look like crap,” she grimaces, waving her spoon in front of Tori’s face when she didn’t respond. “Hello, earth to Tori!”

“What?" Tori asks, coming out of her daze somewhat and glancing over at her sister.

“What’s up with you?” Trina questioned, her voice laced with a rare concern now.

“I have a problem,” she groaned, letting her head fall into her arms.

“Well, obviously,” Trina said, and Tori would swear that she can hear her eyes rolling. “Why don’t you tell me and I’ll tell you what to do about it?” she suggested/ordered, sounding as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

Tori lifted her head to gaze over at Trina and bites her lip. “I don’t think I can tell you much, Trina,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Have you ever been torn between two friends?”

“Oh yeah, lots of times,” Trina immediately engaged, her eyes brightening with interest. “There was this one time--”

“I’m sorry, Trina, but I’m running short on time,” she cuts her off apologetically, recongizing the signs of her sister winding up for a long story. “How did you choose?” she asked, her eyes pleading with her sister to help her.

Trina looks affronted for a moment but with a roll of her eyes, she shrugged. “It was easy. I chose the one who needed my help more and dealt with the other one later.” She shoveled the last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and tilted the bowl up to slurp up the rest as Tori stared at her in shocked awe.

The answer to her agonizing question is so _simple_ that it’s almost ridiculous. The choice facing her isn’t between friends at all, but between situations that could be easily categorized. Who needs her help more?

“Trina, I love you,” Tori blurted out, racing out of the kitchen and up the stairs as quickly as she can. Her Pearphone informed her that she only has 45 minutes to get to the clinic, Jade’s face playing in her mind’s eye and Jade’s voice filling her ears and drowning out Trina’s confused questions the entire way.

She can’t help but think of the girl who was so lonely that she only had Tori to come to when she’d broken up with Beck in the heat of the moment the first time. She can’t help but think of the girl who took a pregnancy test and could think of nothing else to do but drive across town to the door of a girl she still claims to hate for help.

And as she brushes her hair and throws on the first clothes she can find before tearing out of the house, more grateful than ever that she’d decided to finally get her license the month before, she can’t help but think of the girl who’s probably expecting to sit in a cold waiting room entirely alone before facing an invasive medical procedure the same way.

She goes exactly the speed limit the entire way there, not wanting to risk getting pulled over and cursing every red light she hits. Thankfully, she still had ten minutes to spare when she parks her car, wasting one as she stared in horror at the protestors surrounding the building and chanting something that she can’t make out until she opened the door.

Hot guilt floods her stomach as she climbs out of the car and pulls her purse over her shoulder, the chanting of names like ‘slut’ and ‘baby-killing whore’ being thrown at her the whole way. She feels hatred for herself join the guilt as she hurries up the sidewalk, trying not to think about Jade being forced to do this alone.

The cold metal of the door handle grounding under her grasp, Tori sucked in a breath as she hurried inside, the door closing behind her and blessedly blocking out the screams from outside. She shuddered, taking a moment to search her surroundings. Her gaze almost immediately landed on the girl she was looking for, her raven hair and blue highlights drawing her eye immediately. Just the sight of Jade reminded Tori of exactly why she was there and she’s filled with a sense of relief that assured her she’d made the right decision.

Sliding into the chair beside Jade, Tori smiled when Jade turned around, surprise written all over her face. Her lips even twitched up into the ghost of a smile and when Tori reaches for her hand,t he dark-haired girl lets her take it, closing her eyes and sucking in a breath.

“I didn’t think you were coming, Vega,” she admitted.

“I almost didn’t,” Tori admitted right back. She gave Jade’s hand a squeeze and wondered, not for the first time, about the fact that somehow, she had inexplicably been given the privilege that had only ever been reserved for Beck. It had started that day that Jade had shown up at her door, mascara running down her face and smeared around her eyes, holding a broken kite.

She’d known that Jade didn’t like to be touched, but when the other girl was sobbing into a pillow with no sign of stopping, she’d dared to soothingly rub her back and she hadn’t been pushed away or yelled at or anything. From that day on, Tori had been able to touch Jade without consequence and sometimes, she still couldn’t stop trying to understand why.

“What changed your mind?” Jade asked, drawing Tori’s attention to her again, her eyes fixed on Tori’s and open to her once again. There are mixed emotions in their depths, but Tori picked out fear as the primary one. Somehow, she knows that it’s not the procedure that Jade is feeling anxious about, but she pushed the thought away.

“Would you believe it if I said Trina?” Tori chuckled softly. “I wanted to be here for you and I support your decision. I don’t want you to think that I didn’t.” She sighed. “It was just complicated because of Beck.”

“Because you think Beck deserves to know,” Jade nodded, studying Tori.

Tori nodded slowly in response, lost in Jade’s eyes again.

“Listen, Vega. I’ve never wanted kids. Christ, what kind of parent do you honestly think I’d make?” she laughed ruefully.

“Jade...”

“I don’t want you to think that I decided this on a whim just because I decided it fast, Tori. Beck and I talked about what we would do, how we would handle this happening for as long as we were having sex.”

“One thing that we both agreed on was that I’d get an abortion. I’ve never wanted kids, Tori, and especially not now.” She swallowed. “The other big thing we agreed on was that he didn’t want to know unless I wanted or needed him to come with me,” she added, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I should have told you that.”

Tori sighed, reaching out to gently rub Jade’s shoulder despite everything. Although she was definitely _annoyed_ and not happy about her last two days of misery being pointless, she understood Jade better than she suspected the other girl knew. “You wanted to know if I would choose you,” she said softly, her anger taking even more of a backseat to the way Jade’s eyes shimmered when they caught Tori’s again.

“Fuck, Vega,” Jade laughed, a shaky sound, as her hand tightened in Tori’s grip. “Didn’t know you cared,” she quipped, but Tori just grinned. “Yeah, I did,” she admitted after a moment, giving her an indecipherable look. “And you did.”

“I did,” Tori confirmed with a squeeze of Jade’s hand. “I just wish that I’d come sooner,” she sighed. “You shouldn’t have had to walk through that crowd of assholes alone.”

“The protesters? Fuck them,” Jade shrugged, though there’s a warmth in her eyes that says she appreciates the sentiment. “I can handle people throwing mean words at me, Tori. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but this is the part I didn’t want to do alone.”

Almost as if on cue, the door beside the check-in desk opened and the nurse checked her clipboard before smiling at the girls. “Jade West?”

Tori can feel Jade tense beside her and gives her hand a reassuring squeeze as she stands up, using their joined hands to tug Jade up a second later. Jade attempted to break the contact, but Tori held on tightly. At the goth’s questioning look, she nodded and gave her a comforting smile, rewarded by the look of relief on Jade’s face.

She can’t help but wonder when she and Jade had gotten so good at this unexpected communication thing.

Following the nurse back to a counselor's office, Tori lets Jade sit before she does. She’s still holding her hand and it still feels too right to break. She tries not to listen as Jade and the counselor speak, feeling like an intruder on a private moment even though Jade had asked her to come. Eventually, she’s pulled into the conversation when the counselor smiles and directs a question at her.

“Are you her partner?”

Tori’s surprised by how much she wants to answer yes to the question, meeting Jade’s eyes almost without meaning to. Suddenly, a lot of things click into place: the way that she’s fought for Jade’s friendship every step of the way, how she can never turn the other girl away when she’s in pain or even just wants something, the way that Jade can seem to open up to her in a way no one else, not even Beck, had gotten to see, how easy it was for her to come to this clinic and support her.

But it’s neither the time nor the place and Tori tears her gaze away from Jade’s to look back at the kind woman sitting across from her. “No, but I am here to support her,” she told her, idly wondering if that’s dejection she can feel emanating from Jade.

She marked something down and gives Jade a kind smile. “Okay, it seems that everything is in order, Jade. Now, I’ll just need for you to fill out some paperwork and sign some forms and then we can move on to the next step.”

Tori can feel Jade relax at her side and she wonders if she’d been worried about something going wrong during this interview. They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about what she was feeling about the appointment, given Tori’s late arrival. Still, there’s no other signal to tell Tori about what she’s thinking or feeling and she doesn’t push.

Though the paperwork seemed to be never-ending, it does eventually end and then Tori was left in the waiting room while Jade went to have an exam and tests done.

Her phone chimed with a text and she opened it to see that it was from Cat. The text is as rambling and nonsensical as always, almost more so than speaking to the girl can be. Tori chuckled to herself as she responded to the long-winded request to hang out, apologizing and telling her that she’s busy taking care of a sick friend. She can’t help but smirk, wondering what Jade would think of being called such a thing.

Putting her phone away again, she smiles as the door opened and Jade walks out, immediately grabbing for Tori’s hand again. She lets her, of course, and follows them into the next room.

“Please undress and put the gown on,” the doctor instructed with a kind smile before leaving the room and closing the door.

“Should I wait outside?” Tori asked gingerly, not sure at all of what answer she’s hoping to get.

“No,” Jade answered without hesitation, giving her a pleading look that melts Tori completely. “Just turn around or something,” she tried to bluff, but Tori’s seen through her now and she just grins before turning to face the wall.

The rustle of clothes behind her makes Tori swallow, her smile dissipating as she fights the suddenly incredibly strong urge to peek. Again, she tells herself that it’s neither the time or the place and she can hardly hide her relief when Jade announces she’s decent.

The doctor comes in at the same time that Tori turns around and she immediately went to Jade’s side. Slipping her hand into hers, they both faced the doctor as a united front and she can tell it eases Jade’s nerves by the way she relaxes into her side.

The doctor smiled and gives Jade a paper cup with two pills in it. “That’s for the pain,” he told her kindly. “If you’ll take that, we’ll start getting set up and getting ready to get this done.”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Jade grumbled, but Tori can’t help but notice the way the cup shakes slightly as she lifts it to her lips, tossing the pills back and sipping the water she’s offered to swallow them with quickly. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, Tori shoots her an encouraging smile when the doctor told her to climb onto the exam table.

After that, everything moved rapidly. The events bled into each other in Tori’s memory, with only one constant imagine remaining crystal clear to her: her hand clutching Jade’s, never letting go for a single second.

And then it’s done and Tori can’t help herself when she bends down to kiss Jade’s cheek. It’s obvious that the other girl was worried about her reaction, and Tori resolved to have a talk about it later. For now, the kiss seems to do the trick and she watches the worry and guilt melt away and smiles.

The mandatory hour-long supervision ended up being the hardest part. Jade was obviously not herself, though she insists that she’s fine and just a little achy, and all Tori wants to do is fuss over her, which is hard to do when there’s someone there whose sole job is strictly that.

Finally, they’re cleared to leave and Tori puts an arm around Jade’s waist as she leads her from the clinic, glaring daggers at everyone she can put her eyes to as she feels Jade tense at the sound of their shouts. Swallowing her guilt at the realization that Jade’s earlier words had been all bluster, she focuses on her one objective: sheltering Jade from the storm.

Bringing her hand up to cover one ear, she begins to croon the first song that pops into her head into Jade’s other, keeping her focus evenly divided between distracting Jade and navigating their way to Tori’s car quickly and without incident.

She’s rewarded by feeling Jade relax in her arms and she can’t help but smile as she keeps going, belatedly realizing that she’s crooning Jade one of the lullabies her mom and grandma had used to soothe her to sleep growing up. Somehow, it just feels right, like so many other things have today. She’s just through the first chorus when they reach the car, and she looks between the doors before opening the back and helping Jade in so that she’s lying across the seat.

Finding a discarded blanket in the floorboard, she shakes it out and rolls it up, sliding it under Jade’s head with a tenderness that just feels right (a recurring theme, it would seem). “Watch your feet,” she laughed, feeling like her mom as she watches Jade tuck her feet in and she shuts the door.

And finally, _finally_ , she’s in the driver’s seat and driving them back to her place by some unspoken approval.

As her eyes meet Jade’s through the rear-view mirror, she sees the dark-haired girl give her a weak smile that she returns without a thought.

Tori Vega doesn’t know what the future holds more than anyone else in the world does, but somehow, she just knows that everything will be fine now that she finally has Jade in her life. She’d been fighting for Jade West almost since the day they’d met and now, she finally has her.

Maybe one day, their relationship will even transcend friendship, Tori thinks with a tender smile as she gives the now-sleeping Jade another look through the mirror. But honestly, Tori thinks that it can wait.

For now, just being able to call Jade a friend is more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This story deals with abortion. I'm honestly really nervous about posting this because of the sensitive subject and what a hot-button issue it is, but I have very strong feelings and I wanted to show them through my work.


End file.
